a proverb

learn to fail and make mistakes with grace.

when i wake to a world of grey

grey,
that's how my heart feels sometimes
those mornings when i wake to the day feeling like i left half of myself back in bed
not wholly here
missing vivacious present living
tired
weary
worn thin
transparent

so i cover myself is bright colors, hoping my spirit will mimic the clothes i wear
praying for brightness
for another form of sunshine
for life, full, vibrant life
for living fully alive

it's been a season of learning simple prayers,
of learning dependance,
of learning to need, desperately. 

so many mornings this winter this word has been my prayer,
with eyes barely open,
mind only half awake
joy.
please, Abba, bring joy.
help me delight in the abundance of your grace, 

in the sunshine of your face
when all the world looks cloudy,
grey

eightdaysin

twelve words for 2011: 

  12. laughter

  11. friendship

    10. family

     9. thanksgiving

 8. joy

     7. humility

     6. need and dependence

         5. change

     4. freedom

   3. process

 2. the gospel

1. grace

these words have characterized my year. and i've been reflecting lately on how this past year, in many ways, has been one of busyness, 

  and weariness, 

 and fullness. 

of feeling well worn by life, like it's made me to look like my favorite old pair of jeans with tears and loose threads and holes in both knees. 

     a year of learning the hard way over-and-over again. 

               of the pride and people-pleasing with me being knocked down 

                                                                                           brick

                                                                                                                by

                                                                                                                    brick.

it's been a year of rejoicing, of more uninhibited playing and laughing and feeling,

                             of celebration.

    and it's been one of newness, of new life being breathed into me, 

                                     and eyes beginning to blink and see, when they didn't know they had been blind.

and this year, 2012 brings still more life

          vibrant

      vivacious 

         colorful life.

this year, i'm praying for re-creation.

                                          for real, tangible, heart-grabbing ways of

                                                                                                  being  

                                                                                              made    
                                                                                                      new.

   for daily reminders that re-creation is as much a present reality as it is a future one.

 i'm praying for  

               rawness,

        for sharing life in mess and process,

                     for an open heart as well as an open door.

this year, 

   i want to make new mistakes because I'm entering new places and trying new things.

i want to read things that challenge, and inspire, and change me.

                     i want to laugh until my sides hurt, 

                                                    to delight in sharing homemade meals,

                                           to bask in the sunshine,

                                                                 and wear dresses in the summer and spring.

                                                         

                                           to live more in freedom and less in fear

            to celebrate life moment by moment

                             and take time to enjoy my family.

  to cry hard with people over broken things,   

                  to ask honest questions,                                     

                               and live like deep friendship is forever, not just for a season. 

                 i want my life to breathe and speak and sing of his grace

                                                                                                always.
                          because these words are true, "Behold, I am making all things new."